During the last 3-4 months of those two years, from Jan-April 2002, I felt that I had reached the bottom of the pit inside myself.
I don’t think that anyone, even my husband, really understood what was going on inside of me, but I knew there was nowhere left for me to go but up. Yes, I know that I never did drugs, tried alcohol, looked for a new romance outside my marriage, or tried many of the things that others today use and abuse and try when they reach that point. But that does not mean that I had not reached it. My upbringing made it impossible for me to even consider those things; it was not strength on my part that I didn’t.
But at the same time, I felt that the “UP” was coming. A hope began to grow within me that brought peace. I was still sitting there in the bottom of that pit, but I knew that God was going to pull me out–I just didn’t know when.
During those months, God started showing me little things–tiny pieces of a puzzle that I still didn’t understand. I felt like a woman who has heard of the greatest makeup artist or plastic surgeon in all the world and puts everything on the line–mortgages everything she has–to go there and be made beautiful. I had full confidence that Jesus was the only person who could do it.
I sat there, at the lowest point in my life waiting for my “makeover,” with the mirror turned around because I could not see what He was doing. He would show me only one “makeup” item at a time–one truth that He was using to set me free–while I sat there saying to each one, “Yes, I think I understand that, but I must not ‘get it’ still, because it makes no difference in my life.” But He just worked away, and moved on to another part of me.
Then, April 15th, 2002, He turned the mirror around…
“For I know the hopes and plans I have for you…
to give you a future and a hope.”