Happy New Year world!
I’ve spent the last four hours sitting on my sofa, reading through last year’s journal entries and writing my end-of-2011 and beginning-of-2012 thoughts.
God did so much in me last year. The year had its struggles, and some of them were new ones that knocked me down to my knees. But the year also had fulfillment of prophecies and answers to prayers.
One of the prayers that God answered was one that I prayed a number of times over the years. Every time, in fact, that I examined my own heart and saw that I didn’t love God like I knew I should. I mean…sure I loved Him. I loved Him in my thoughts. I loved what I knew He’d done for me. But I used to wonder what it would be like to feel passionate love for God. I also had this nagging feeling that my my heart was supposed to be filled with some sort of more powerful love instead of the rather dry kind that I found instead.
I wanted to ask Him to make me love Him, but that seemed kind of a contradiction in terms. Asking Him to help me love Him more didn’t seem much better. Yet I knew that, if left to my own devices, my love would probably do nothing other than possibly grow cold. (Which is definitely not something I wanted to happen! See Matthew 24:12.)
And so, years ago, I asked Him to do whatever was necessary in me so that I’d love Him more. I had the feeling that it might have something to do with 1 John 4:19.
And as usual, He is so faithful, and so wonderful! Because He did do it. As this year progressed, I fell more and more in love with my God and my Savior.
But do you know how He did it? He did it by simply revealing more and more of Himself to me. And the more I realized just how incredible God is, the more I fell in love with Him. The more I realized who Jesus was, is, and always will be, the more I was awed and amazed and delighted by this One who surrendered it all…for me.
I think that’s why God didn’t give me that song in 2010. I had enough of the revelation to want to sing the song, but not as much as God wanted me to have in order to do justice to the message. Even though the lines of the song are right out of scripture, I don’t believe I could have heard those lines if I didn’t already have a revelation deep inside of me for each one. And so I had to wait.
But then came the day when I was rapturously again singing these words:
“You lift me up when I am weak
Your arms wrap around me
Your love catches me, so I’m letting go…
You lift me up when I can’t see
Your heart’s all that I need
Your love carries me, so I’m letting go…”
Most of you probably recognize those words…the song has been on the Christian music charts every week since July…but for me, when I sang those words for something like the 40th time…when I envisioned His arms wrapping around me like I know they do, and when I flung my arms wide open and imagined myself falling into the His embrace…that’s when I realized that I truly was in love with my God. I realized that I truly am utterly delighted simply by who He is! (Just as my FB friends who can tell you just how many times I’ve posted, “God is so incredible!”)
I realized that it’s not much different than when I fell in love with my husband. There’s that same excitement to spend time with Him…that same aching to be closer and closer…that same longing for the world to know how wonderful He is and how wonderful it is to be loved by Him. Except somehow, it’s even more wonderful, for there is no end to it. This time, I’m falling in love with One who will never let me down. One who is is literally perfect and who will always be perfect.
And as I fall more and more in love with Him, the more I absolutely love to lavish my love on Him in worship. Yes, I know I’ve said for five years on here that I love worship…well that’s nothing to how much I love worshiping Him now!
Are you where I once was? Does your heart feel a bit dry? Are you worried that your love will grow cold? Don’t fear! And don’t accept condemnation over it. Just ask Him to show you Himself and His ways, and prepare yourself to fall in love with Him as He does!
For those of you who are interested, I posted a YouTube recording of me singing “All He Was” on the post with the words. My shaky voice and fumbling fingers don’t do the song justice (though the pictures help), but it’s now there, at the bottom of the post.
And here is “You Lift Me Up” for those few who may not have heard it, or for the (hopefully) many who love it as much as I do and who want to sing the words again to the only One who is fully able of always lifting you up:
I have experienced those same moments. I have always thought that humans are really only capable of imitating, not creating. Therefore people love to the exact degree that they have experienced it. When I found little love in me my prayer then (and now) was, "Love me. I will never be able to love until I am loved first, so please love me." And to my unmatched delight … he has. And it's overwhelming and inspiring and honestly makes me feel spoiled sometimes. But I begin to see what he sees in me, and how much he really thinks about me. What he will do to protect me and care for me; what HE considers good care of me. And as I see how he loves me … little by little I see how to shed that and share that back. To others, mostly. It's in loving others this way that he feels most loved. Or at least … that is what I see at present. 🙂 There is probably more. But anyway. Good post.