I only posted once last month. I think that’s a first in the five years I’ve been blogging here. The reason…well, I’m actually not too sure. In some ways, I “feel like” I’ve taken a bunch of major steps backwards in my walk with God. I’ve definitely gotten lost a number of times.
And yet, there are little things here and there that are remarkably clear and perfect. Little things that I so clearly see God’s hand in and hear His voice in that I cannot doubt. And I wonder if I’m still in that same season of emptying that I sensed back in May. Except sometimes I see things sprouting.
And so mostly, I’m just waiting. Waiting on Him to give me direction. Waiting on Him to give me new revelations. Waiting on Him to reveal the next layer of the new me that He’s been working on for so many years.
Perhaps that’s what this year is for me…a year of waiting.
If anyone’s really following me closely enough and cares, you might find it interesting to read what I wrote two days before the end of last year. Among other things, I shared this little book called Waiting on God that my friend had given me, and I talked about the test of whether or not we will seek God and want Him even when He doesn’t reward us with wow moments.
Here I am, eight months later, still waiting for many of the same things.
I’ve woken up at 5 or 6 am the last few mornings. I haven’t gotten out of bed, but I’ve done a lot of talking with God. A lot. A have all sorts of things swirling around in me during these hours when I’m awake, but not yet awake to the day’s necessities. I can’t say that I’ve heard God speaking very much during these hours, yet I sort of feel Him rearranging my insides, if that makes any sense. By the time 7:30 rolls around and I need to get out of bed, I feel so full of expectation and joy and peace and wonder…and then the day floods in, and I can hardly remember what I was talking with God about.
The one thing I do know is that two songs have filled my heart during these times. You’ve probably heard both on the radio. One is Lincoln Brewster’s “Reaching for You.” The other is a song that, quite frankly, didn’t “do much for me” when I first heard it on the radio.
But then I saw it live. Then I realized the reality of what the song is all about. It’s not a song for listening to. It’s a song for participating in.
Do you want God? Do you want to experience His Presence? Are you willing to wait for Him?