I woke up with this song going through me. I don’t know if it’s because the rush of Christmas is over, or because it’s just God’s timing, or what…but I feel my spirit waking up. At least, that’s what it feels like. And perhaps that’s what He is continually doing…waking us up more and more and more to the truths and reality that the devil works so hard to keep us in ignorance of. Yet His timing and His ways are perfect, and He has no difficulty breaking through every lie and deception and attack of the devil.
This might hurt
It’s not safe
But I know that I’ve gotta make a change
I don’t care
If I break
At least I’ll be feeling something
‘Cause just ok
Is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life
I don’t wanna go through the motions
I don’t wanna go one more day
Without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don’t wanna spend my whole life asking
What if I had given everything?
Instead of going through the motions
Not this time
I’m gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Let Your love
Make me whole
I think I’m finally feeling something
Take me all the way
Deeper and ever deeper…always moving onwards, to know Him and the fellowship of His sufferings…to be changed from glory to glory…to learn to walk in His ways.
I was given this wonderful little book this Christmas from one of my closest friends. It’s called Waiting on God, and in it, Andrew Murray offers 31 short studies on waiting on God.
This book is such a blessing to me right now. It’s confirming and gathering together little things that God has shown me over the course of this last year, cementing them inside of me and encouraging me to continue to wait.
I wrote two weeks ago:
I wonder if times like these are when God is testing how much I really want Him? Will I continue to seek Him when He allows weeks to go by without “wow” moments? Will I worship Him both when I can feel and sense the walls falling, and when I sense nothing whatsoever? Will I continue to choose Him and do my best to obey, even when my best is far from perfect, my knowledge of His will is faulty and hesitant, and I receive no confirmation that I’m on the right track? Will I…can I…trust that He is indeed leading and guiding me even then? Even now?
Every time I prayed and sought God about the quiet nothingness that I felt I was in, I felt only one thing…that He wanted me to trust Him with my relationship with Him. Maybe that seems elemental to you, but for me, I realized that I somehow fell into thinking that my relationship with Him is my responsibility. That He was always up there waiting on me to pray, to listen, to obey, to do this, to do that.
I know that all that is true, in one sense, for He said that when we seek Him with all our hearts, He would be found by us. That is most definitely Him, waiting on us, for He will not force Himself upon us.
And yet…I went too far in the other direction. I found myself thinking that, if I wasn’t finding more of Him at the pace I did once, or at the pace I thought He wanted to reveal Himself to me, it was my fault because I wasn’t seeking Him furiously enough.
You see how the devil was using my desires and my perceptions of what God wanted to condemn me?
This little book is confirming that I am hearing God in this season…and He is simply asking me to wait and trust Him with my walk with Him. I am doing as He asked. I am seeking Him. I am surrendering and obeying to the best of my ability, according to the grace that He gives me. Beyond that, I must rest, trust, and wait. He does not move on my timetable. He said that I would find Him, but He gave no schedule that outlines the pace and unfolding of those revelations. He wants me to trust Him with those, and be willing to wait as long as He chooses for the next revelation.
Why? Because there is a blessedness and a new level of surrender in waiting. There is, I think, a deeper lesson that I need to learn in this, which will be vital in the plans He has for my future.
The section I read this morning begins with these verses:
Make me know Your ways, O Lord;
Teach me Your paths.
Lead me in Your truth and teach me,
For You are the God of my salvation;
For You I wait all the day.
Those verses are underlined in my Bible, and they have two dates written beside them…two dates in my journal that record things God spoke to me. How wonderful it is to be able to write a third date beside them!
I’d like to share this precious little book with all of you, as well. If you’d like to read it, you can, of course, see if your local Christian bookstore has it, but here are three other ways:
1) If you don’t mind reading an ebook version of it, I can lend you my nook copy for 14 days, for free. Just click that “Send me an email” link on the left and let me know.
(My wonderful husband got me a nook for Christmas, but you don’t have to have one to borrow my copy. You can download the free reader to your PC, iPhone, iPad, or Android phone. This is the only way I know of to lend you the book for free.)
2) You can purchase your own ebook version for $.99 in either kindle format (which can also be read on your PC if you download the free application) or nookbook format.
(I can’t find it in epub format, but if someone else does, please let me know.)